The Ones To Love
I have to admit that the past few weeks-slash-months were not the best part of this year—or maybe my life. See, my “boyfriend” for three years broke up with me, and apparently he broke up with me because “I’ve changed.” Aside from the cliche’ that says every single phenomenon on earth (even outside the planet) is capable of changing, I can say that I’m loving the changes in me that he is hating. And I can’t see what’s not to love.
Moving on after a three year relationship is not easy. I don’t even want to talk about it and share the story to everyone. But, a month has passed and somehow, the happiness, the pride and the confidence that those three years with him have taken away from me started to grow back into my system. Little by little, I appreciate myself more. I learned to love myself despite the imperfections and flaws I have. And my friends are happy about it.
I can’t help but to feel happy and giddy whenever my friends tell me they’re proud of me, because I’m much stronger and wiser now. Random text messages of inspiring quotations I receive some days make me smile when I read them in the morning when I wake up. Messages saying “Good Morning, Flo! Smile! :)” makes my day. And to be honest, I’ve never felt so taken care of, like I’m important, like I’m precious.
To Haj, my best friend. Thank you for everything; for listening to my stories and for knowing me very well. Thank you for accommodating my rants and understanding what I really want to tell. Yes, you really know what I mean. Thank you for those impulsive days and nights we spent together, just to help me escape sadness even just for a while.
To Chlyde, for being with me when I was being dumped like shit on a friday-the-thirteenth. Thank you for bringing me back to my senses whenever I seem to lose my sanity and for patting my back when I cried like a baby during those nights.
To Cams, for always reminding me to stop and love myself above others. Thank you for those hugs that kept me from breaking into pieces and for those late night calls just to check if I’m okay and safe.
To Ate Cha, for giving me tons of first hand advice and for telling me her stories, those stories that make me realize that I have to be stronger. Thank you for always reminding me that I can surpass all these soon, because you too, will.
To Paul, for those pangdadaot moments and lines which really mean “i love you”. Thank you for making me strong by challenging me to be tougher and making me stand on my own feet. Thank you for emphasizing that indeed, there are many fish in the sea.
To Lawrence, for those trembling hands and walk out moments, for those eyes that mean serious business. Thank you for protecting me from those people who might let me feel pain, for giving unbiased advice and for telling me to smile and that I can do it.
To Mark, for displaying his concern and interest by commenting on my story virtually and for possibly paying our fare to Baguio. (Sorry Mark, wala na akong maisip. Joke lang to ha!)
To you, Zogo Club; for making me happy, for giving me the simplest reasons to laugh and to smile. Thank you for being with me while I start my life back from scratch. Thank you for being patient, for being kind and for being loving and understanding. Thank you for those conference calls we’re constantly having. Thank you for those ‘friend-terventions’ we’ve had on Mcdo or on our way to our next class. Thank youfor the hugs, the pats in the back, those “I’m proud of you” messages. Thank you for being with me right now, because your mere presence makes me happy.
I know THIS BLOG IS SO CHEESY BUT PLEASE BEAR WITH ME. hihihi
I love you guys! Sa inyo ko nalang ide-devote ang love na umaapaw sa aking puso. I love youuuu! >:D<
MAMA MO. 32, 000!!!! :D
i wish the sun would never go down
posted on Monday, August 6, 2012 at 11:38 AM |
0 cmnt/s
…because it is at night when i miss you the most. when i realized i am the only one left awake at our house, in my room. Because the night is our time, our time to talk about the things that bother us, or make us happy or random things that happened through each other’s day. and all i wanna do is listen, listen to your stories you enthusiastically told. But you never asked how was my day. why?
I miss you most before i sleep. when i remember your voice singing soft lullabies when i can’t sleep. those times i called you in the middle of the night and you answered on the first rings. those times i cried to you because i’m scared of that horror film character that keeps creeping up to my mind when i close my eyes. those times you’d calm me down when i feel pressured because i can’t find the right words to say when i’m writing an article. But you didn’t answer my 5th, 6th, 7th call tonight. Why?
Every night i miss you. every night i fight the urge to cry. every night i fail.
I can’t wait for that day that i will stop crying. can’t wait for that day when i can see you and feel nothing—not sadness, bitterness nor anger. can’t wait for the time that i would accept that US were no longer a word for you and me. can’t wait for the day this whole thing pass.
Random, just random
**My head hurts from non-stop browsing but I don’t want to shut down my laptop because sadness will creep up again.
**An ant bit me on my left leg. I hate ants. :<
**I made this post hoping that a certain somebody would read it. I think I will continue posting blogs here that will serve as a connection for the both of us, since I decided a while ago not to talk to him anymore. I hope he’d find the interest and initiative to read the shizz I post here.
**My mouth wants something to chew, but I am not hungry.
**I promise to jog around the Acad Oval every single day this week. Even if it rains. But hopefully, it will not.
**I am a ‘ballpen-less’ person for the last 4 days. All of my pens are in my bag that Haj borrowed since tuesday last week.
**I am tempted to call you and PM you and text you. But i shall control myself and stand in my decision. I hope I make it. :<
What over what?
Dear you,
You know what you want. But you also want the other option you didn’t pick out.
Go on, think of yourself now. You’ve given him almost three years. You were happy. You became happy. But you are not now. You’re aware that it hurts. And hell yeah, it hurts a lot. You still want him. But face it, he doesn’t want you back. You’ve hurt him yes, but that doesn’t mean you are to blame. Sometimes, people just find reasons to put the blame and burden on others. But yeah, you contributed somehow. But it’s not your fault.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. You deserve to be happy. You know it’s so hard to let go someone or something you held on to for almost three years, but that the way things are. Things come and go, and only those meant for you will stay.
Learn to accept. Acknowledge the fact that this would probably one of the hardest and roughest times of your life. But, IT WILL PASS. You have friends. You have your family. And there are approximately 5,000 people in UP that you can meet. Remember that this is just a phase and soon it will end. You’re strong! And don’t let your feelings eat you and control you, because nothing will happen and you will never be happy.
You heard him. He’s using his mind right now. And he doesn’t listen to what his heart tells him, because he knows that the brain is better than the heart. That he should think of himself first before thinking of you. And you should do that too.
I want to make you happy, you know that. But I can see you’re hurting so bad, and I hate to see you that way. Give yourself a chance to be happy, because you deserve it. Have a break. Nothing will happen if you cry your eyes out every night. He will not come back even if you plead, or kneel in front of him. Because he’s using me. Use me too.
Love, Your Brain.
Dear you,
I hate to see you sad. You know that. But don’t make decisions because you’re angry or sad or you’re feeling alone. You just have to face it. Because it will free you. Decide when you’re not confused. And don’t reason out the time. No one pressures you. Nothing makes you decide now. Take your time and think.And think of the things that would make you happy. But think of other factors as well.
I know that compared to what Brain said to you, I’m vague. Feelings are vague. I don’t contradict him because we both want you to be happy and you’re going to decide for yourself.
If you can continue being like this, go on. But stop the moment you feel you no longer can’t. He will be back when he’s the one for you. But if he didn’t, be happy you two happened. Accept because you can. Yes you can. You can do it.
Love, your heart.
